Let's backtrack a bit shall we?

Oh hello, I didn't see you there. Welcome to my blog. Please, have a seat by the fireplace, enjoy some triple distilled scotch and a clichéd facetious introduction. Let me regale you with anecdotes of my journey.

Like all stories, let's start at the beginning.  Granted I've been abroad again for a month, but computer access has been limited to thieving single bar access on a defunct smartphone while cowering from typhoons in the shadows of various coffee shops.  That is, to say, sparse and wanting.

To shorten the prologue, my life was a mess. Not quite a shambles, but definitely in disarray. Sparing the details let's just say I wasn't where I wanted to be in my life, not a year after graduation from university, and was spiraling further from the top.  Working a dead end job that left me too drained to pursue other interests, skipping between increasingly more questionable living situations, in and out of confusing romantic situations, and finding comfort in that greatest of all of manmade parasites, the drink.  Two dollars goes a long way if you don't mind drinking what essentially boils down to insultingly harsh whiskey mixed with stale wine filtered through gym socks.  But after a few weeks of intentionally putting such a concoction into your own body, you either fall down and never attempt to stand up again, or you re-evaluate your situation, look for ways out, and take what comes along as a lifeline.

In such a situation, I found myself reaching out to jobs abroad. At the recommendation of a friend, I applied for a teaching position in South Korea, and within a week I had heard from a recruiter.  Using my overpowering charisma and ability to bluff that my professors had taught me anything I hadn't already known prior to entering uni, I powered through the interview processes, and found myself on the path of employment abroad.  Three short months later (after a surprisingly quick turnaround for my criminal background check) and a large chunk of startup fees, I found myself pulled from my desperate pit where I had struggled to make ends meet (the whole while lying to myself that I was just biding my time until something better came along) into a whole new life uprooting myself and starting anew, away from everything I had grown comfortable with.

I wasn't entirely new to this, as the evidence presented by the existence of this blog goes to show.  Having studied abroad for a year in Japan, eastern Asia could only present so many unfamiliar situations (so I thought).  Going for a job had a different feel than going for study.  I was wholly unprepared for a teaching job, having done very little in that way in the past (some years in the parks and recreation department, some bit of English help while in Japan).  There was moreso the matter that I was, am still unsure, of coming home from this.  Was this a career move, or simply a temporary excursion?  There was also the ever encroaching thought coming from the part of my mind that produces a surplus of self-doubt that I was just using this as an escape, as a way to avoid actually pursuing a career or doing something real with my life.  I'm still not sure how untrue that is.  The next year of my contract is going to always have the feeling of "well, what comes next?" lurking beneath it.

Still, underfunded and underprepared, I said my goodbyes and departed.

The trip

Just like when I went to Japan, I had a lengthy layover at O'Hare airport.  I had been dreading this, as both trips to O'Hare that I had made to and from Japan had been miserable experiments that involved me playing on the moving walkways for hours.

This time was not so bad, despite the seven hour layover I had.  The trick, it seems, is not to be in Terminal 5. If you're traveling through O'Hare, don't go to Terminal 5 with more than an hour to spare. I somehow, on my previous times passing through, managed to only stay there, and had never actually seen the rest of the airport. Somehow.

I made up a few experiments to pass the time while I was waiting.  First was "Sit on an object that isn't a seat, and see how many people also sit on it." Railings, displays, models, statues, billboards, etc. People would look around hesitantly and then also sit on them, at least momentarily.

Second was simply "misdirection".  If somebody asks you for directions, send them to Terminal 4. (hint: Terminal 4 doesn't exist, but Terminal 3 and 5 do)

The third experiment was with the toilets. They have these fancy seat covers that electronically replace themselves if you wave your hand over a sensor.  Two sides to this one: a) Just enjoy the realization that almost everybody who goes into the bathroom plays with them, whether they need to or not. b) wave your hand over the sensor over and over again to see how long it takes to run out.  I've got this sneaking suspicion that it just cycles the plastic through and 'cleans' it.

Anyways, after hours of amusing myself in the airport, drinking copious amounts of extra-espresso'd coffee, and a final phone conversation with a friend before canceling my cell service, I made my way to the dreaded Terminal 5, where other teachers-to-be were already waiting.  They were all friendly, and we spent some time chatting before the plane departed.

The plane ride itself was pleasant.  I sat next to a friendly and quite attractive (yes, hello) girl and a guy who was amiable when he was conscious.  The food was...interesting and the alcohol was free.  So, all good.

After the 14 or so hours aimlessly meandering through the air (we routed through Canada and Siberia? Is that a standard route?) we finally landed in South Korea.

Arrival

South Korea, for all its fear of terrorist attacks, has an absurdly easy customs to pass through. They barely look at your luggage and they just sort of wave you through.  It may have been the teaching visa that made it that easy, as I'd already had a thorough background check done, and I've no idea as to how difficult it is for other people to get into the country.

The process of meeting up with people, waiting for our baggage (which was utterly destroyed by the handlers of course), and getting the hotel was a nightmare. We had to front the (non-reimbursed) cost of getting ourselves from Incheon to Seoul for a 45 minute bus ride.  We were greeted by a taxi driver in a nondescript location who shouted at us in Korean until we followed him which was...unsettling.  When we arrived at our hotel, the driver managed to further ruin my already wrecked luggage case.  Fantastic.

The hotel itself was fairly nice.  Very clean with a convenience store on the ground level, and fancy room keycards that activated all the lights and electronics in the room.  Unfortunately the air conditioning was broken in my room, so I tried very hard to avoid being there, Seoul being scorchingly hot at the time.

When we all settled in and showered for the first time since the flight, we wandered around the immediate area (yes, our hotel was in Gangnam and we were stylin').  We found a bar and wandered in and tried to order ourselves some beer and soju (soju being the dangerously bipolar best friend of everyone in Korea distilled from rice) and were introduced to the Korean concept of 'anjuu' or 'mandatory side dishes, you cheapass foreigners'.  Apparently you need to buy expensive food at a lot of bars in order to purchase alcohol, which is the opposite of the two drink minimum for all you want 5 cent chicken wings I'm used to from bars back home.  Luckily we had a Mormon with us, so he ate, and we drank.  All the drink was surprisingly cheap overall and we managed to stay out til late and entirely eliminate our jetlag in one fell swoop.

The next few days were fun filled romps through the city. First exposure to Korean supermarkets, peeking into clothing stores, trying new foods.  I paired up with random other trainees and wandered the city in groups, sampling food and talking to locals.

Some of the interesting things that I encountered:

-prostitute trading card.
They're not actually trading cards, more calling cards. But there are quite a lot of them that just get distributed to the ground in hopes that people pick them up.  I was picking them up and trying to come up with a way to make it into a ccg but then I felt dirty and threw them out.  Possibly the worst part about this is that I saw the distributors on the street, and it was a group of highschool girls probably just making a quick buck by fronting ads for hookers.

-street meat
Street food is always good, everywhere. You want good food? Buy it from a guy in a truck. Korea is no exception.  Although the guy in the truck tried to convince me I was eating dog. I'm still fairly certain it was chicken.  Regardless, it was fantastic.

-'Yogiyo' Come here button
Yogiyo means 'here'.  Each table at a restaurant and most bars will have a button that you press to call the server over.  Why don't we have these EVERYWHERE?

-NO TIPPING
Again, same as with Japan, no tipping. On top of that, no tax! Shopping has never been easier!

-Internet memes everywhere
Gangnam style aside (which infests the nation down to the cell phones in everyone's pockets) there are internet memes everywhere. I'd see posters with pictures I've known from tumblr and 4chan littering the streets, and eventually got bored of cataloging all the different ones because it happened so frequently.  An unrelated but interesting fact is that Korea is one of the most wired nations in the world, so many people playing computer games and being on high speed internet, yet console gaming is almost nonexistent.  You can't find video game stores anywhere.  Which is unfortunate, cause I brought my Wii and I need stuff for it.

The rest of the week (training aside, I'll get to that later) was a blast.  Drinking every night, winding up in room 1405 watching crazy Korean television, going to the karaoke bars, running around in the rain, it was a blur of excellence that passed by too quickly.

But really, it was and still is too damn hot in Korea.