Friday, November 30, 2012

Fond of Korea, Take One

It's ridiculous to think that it's been three months already.  I think I understand how people end up staying her for so long. By the time you reach the age where you're out of college and into the real world, a year is absolutely no time. That's sort of frightening.

I intended to do this post a week ago, but you don't own me. To compensate I've downloaded the blogger android app, and luckily my phone has a keyboard so luckily my thumbs will only become a little mutilated from updating under these cramped circumstances. It's fine, they needed the workout.

I thought I'd make a quick update cataloguing some favorite moments of mine that I haven't mentioned yet. So in no particular order, here goes :

-The Running of the Ajashi
Ajashi are the old men in Korea. In a recent trip to Busan, I was walking in the underground path next to the subway when a group of something like 60 old people (mostly ajashi, a few ajuma ladies) burst out of the subway in a continuous wave just running and laughing and surrounding me in their migratory patterns before running off down the path. Was really strange for the dual reasons of it being a herd of old people, and also that they were laughing. Everyone always seems angry in public here, so it was really nice.

Porno trading cards-
Just every discussion relating to the prostitute cards and turning them into a CCG.  Everyone's all for it but we're all too lazy. Comes up a LOT though

Halloween-
I went to four parties dressed up as a Buffalo Soldier (camo jacket, airsoft rifle, buffalo hat).  The look on peoples' faces when they got the joke was worth how overheated it made me.

Mexican Birthdays-
Wound up at a friend's party who invited a bunch of her students. Was awkward at first, but it ended up being a rather enjoyable experience, like a family party, except not my family because I don't see them ever. Also there was a puppy there and everybody loved it.

The Simpsons-
My kids spazzed on me one day when I tried to convince them that the Simpsons are people. They argued that they couldn't be people because they're yellow, and I thanked my ability to not say dated racist things at my children. Don't give me that look there has never been a more perfect setup!

Fancy dog-
I was at a clothing store that had the greatest dog ever. It was fuzzy and happy with the softest fur. Me and everyone I was with wouldn't stop playing with him.  The owner guy came up to us and in English said 'You like? It's the expensive model.'  Was laughing so damn hard. Random English witticisms from a Korean street clothing venor? Yes please.

Drinking with a t-rex-
The temporary friends I made in Jinju and I going to the lantern festival at 4am to drink soju on a bench next to a giant glowing t-rex sculpture. Livin the dream.

The One Who Watches -
Wandering lost through Seoul after our taxi mishap, we ran into the most unsettling statue in a children's park that in our unsteady state (see: lost and drunk) we were convinced would follow us.

A week later in Jinju we came across a quite similar looking statue with the same unpeering gaze of dread.

Mr Park's -
There's this guy who runs a bar/cafe out of a shipping container in a parking lot near the main shopping center here. He is a delight, always smiling, and makes excellent drinks. Every visit here is great.

Let it go -
Me: correct! How did you know the answer?
Student: Women's intuition
Me:...fair enough

Nice try-
Student: Teacher I hate you because you are ugly!
Me: Well so are you.
Student: (laughing) Teacher I hate you because you are handsome!
Me: No it doesn't work that way

Guest speaker-
-discussing Jeju-
Me: Do you have to fly there? Can you drive there?
Friend: no it's way out there. Can you drive to Hawaii?
Me: yeah you can.
Friend: Bullshit!
Me: No, you can! Drive onto a ferry, the ferry goes to Hawaii, drive to Hawaii!
Friend: That doesn't count!
Cab Driver: You can't drive to Hawaii
Me: Dammit! (All laughing)

Dumb and proud-
Me: (student) what is the answer?
Student: (climbs onto desk and scream sings) I DON'T KNOW, TEACHER!
(I got asked about the kid cheering 'I don't know' later by the next class' teacher. Whoops)

The Best Chris-
-at bar for the third time-
Owner: you're the third Chris I've met. You are the most kind and gentle one. The best Chris.
Me: Well, thank you!

-a month later, after escorting a drunk friend out of the bar-
Owner: still the best Chris!
Me: yessssss
(And I get free drinks all the time here now too yes!)

A harsh truth-
Student: Teacher I want get rid of buffalo picture
Me: Why? I like the buffalo picture.
Student: It is ugly. You are ugly too.
Me: Well that's not very nice.
Student: No, but it is true.

A friendly dad-
-walking through Jinju castle-
-there is a man waving to me-
-I wave back-
Man: Hello
Me: Hello?
Man: -shaking my hand- Have a good time.
Me: Uhh...thanks?
-man smiles and pats his son on the head while walking away-

First rule-
-new students examining posters in room-
-student sees the 'no knife classroom' poster and covers the 'no'
Student: Teacher, now it's 'Knife Classroom!'
Me: oh heck yes, I will teach that class.

Waygook wayfail-
-at KFC-
Me: (struggling to read hangul) Su ma to cho ee su she tuh chuseyo?
Cashier: (in plain English) One smart choice set? For here or to go?
Me: oh uh....here please.
And then I noticed the menu right next to the one I had been reading in plain English text.

That's just a handful of stuff I remember at 3am. More to come!

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Sunday, November 11, 2012

Chuseok Weekend

So, one of the advantages to my birthday (aside from sharing it with Confucius) is that staying in Korea means I get a nice vacation within a few days of it.  This year, Chuseok fell the weekend after my birthday, which meant I got a nice sexy long weekend to travel around a bit.

Chuseok is the one weekend of the year that pretty much everyone gets off, as opposed to the quite actually zero time off you get the rest of the year, or the occasional assigned vacation time you don't get to really plan for at your hagwon.  The one week that we all, altogether, get time off.

So of course I wasted it by going up to Seoul.

The bus ride up was long and boring and I was seated next to an old man who kept falling asleep on me.  To add to this, the friend I was staying with lived in Incheon, so I need to take an additional two hour subway ride to get to the Incheon area of Seoul, which is quite confusing itself.  Partially because I'm colorblind (the route maps are color coded of course!) and partially because there is a difference between Line 1 to Incheon and Incheon Line 1.  Of course I flubbed all over that, and wound up on the wrong part of Seoul, which caused me to be even later to my destination.  Luckily it was still early enough in the evening to go out, so after dropping off my luggage, we headed to Gangnam.

We wound up going to a hip hop nightclub that I'm still not entirely sure wasn't a gay club.  There were a whole bunch of guys grooving on each other, and some random Korean guy tried to get me to go up to the bathroom with him.  It was a pretty cool place despite the ridiculous cover charge, and there was a huge jampacked dance floor that served as evidence that Koreans don't know how to dance. Or at the very least, that every single one of them dances like a white person. Kind of grooving in place, nodding their head, shuffling slightly.  It's in direct contrast to the enormous popularity of dance teams in the country.  It's almost as if the teams need to channel energy from the rest of the population, leaving them void of the ability to pick up a beat. It turns them all into shuffling, arhythmic zombies, longing to belong to a world of music and festivities that they don't understand.

The club was densely packed, loud, and overpriced, and two stories as well.  Because too many places that are two stories end up separating the floors, this place counteracted that by having the staircases incorporated into the dance floor. In a club. With people drinking everywhere on the floor.  So needless to say, the tiled floor, which crawled up and around the staircases, were covered in spilled spirits, with bottles and broken glass littering the ground in all directions.  Each step would force you to slide across the floor, yet somehow we were drunkenly hopping around the whole place and from what I could tell not a single person died. It was truly a Chuseok miracle.

We did some mart drinking with some friendly strangers right outside the club until the subways started up again. I had to explain to one of them that there are no strip clubs, and no opening one up wouldn't be lucrative. There are girl bars. There are anma massage parlours. There are norejujangs. They don't need strip clubs because there are hookers everywhere, and a club with women you can't pay to sleep with would, unfortunately, crash and burn in the country.

When the subways reopened, I got to try dak galbi for the first time, which is essentially delicious stir fry in a spicy sauce. It's delicious and I want it forever.  We got the galbi in an area of Incheon that had just recently been built...or was in the process of being built.....or was in the process of being demolished.  As with most Korean construction, it's difficult to tell.  Point being, the place was a hazard, lawless wasteland. With delicious food.

I showered and took an our nap, and headed back out into the world to meet up with some of my friends from the states who were also in Seoul for the weekend. One of my friends had a visiting brother, so ideally that was going to lend itself to some touristy sightseeing, which is something I almost never do.  And it did!

We went to the Gyeongbak Palace which was definitely a good choice.  There were performances and festivities going on, and the whole palace was open to the public for the holiday.  We spent a good chunk of time there watching the dances and exploring the castle grounds.  At one point we were treated to a scene where we rounded the corner and some child had his pants down weeing in the castle grounds with his father's assistance, from which we quickly retreated.

We wound up in Itaewon for dinner, at a fantastic British pub with delicious burgers that I don't quite remember the name of, but it was definitely worth the price of admission.  Afterwards we needed to get ourselves to Incheon, which was becoming a problem with the swiftly approaching close of the subway lines, worsened by my friends getting cornered by another traveler when we stopped by their hostel.  So, we manage to get the last train out, with the intention of hopefully making it in time to connect to the Incheon Line 1, or at least from there it'd be affordable to get a taxi.

Neither of these things happened.

We were on the correct train when we got on.  I checked multiples of multiples of times.  You want to be certian when it's the last train.  There was an announcement at one point, which, due to the fact that none of use knew Korean (a fatal error) we assumed was simply the 'last train' announcement.

We were wrong.

The announcement was telling us that we would be traveling on the alternate route for the final train. Which took us... in the opposite direction that we needed to go from our destination.  The second we realized this, we hopped off and tried to flag down a taxi, which we did, and gave him directions to take us to the arts centre.  Or we tried to, anyways. The first cab we called over simply shook his head and drove off the second we said where we wanted to go.  After a bit of hiking, we managed to get a second cab, and climbed inside before telling him our destination so that he couldn't back out.  The cabbie spoke absolutely no English (which seems weird for being in Seoul)...which isn't a problem when you just want to go to a neighborhood or you know the name of your destination.  But we only knew the name of it in English.  There is the Arts Centre stop, and then also the Arts Gallery stop.  Our cab driver took us to the Arts Gallery stop, which unfortunately got us even further away from our destination than we were when getting onto the subway.  Also, it cost us 40,000 wan( ~$35SUSD)  After calling a friend to figure out where we were, and him laughing at us, we realized that we were, as it were, royally fucked.

Not wanting to pay for the cab all the way back, we decided to try trekking back toward Bupyeong station and take a cab from there to save some money.  We stopped a local and asked him how far away our destination was (after he kept trying to tell us the buses and subways were 'broken' because he didn't know 'closed', despite two buses driving by as we spoke to him) and he told us it was a three hour walk.

So, laughing, we headed off in our direction.

After we got over the initial irritation of the night, the walk wasa actually pretty fun.  We saw a whooooole lot of Seoul that I'm sure most foreigners never do.  We were quite actually at the edge of the city from the start of the walk, which is saying a lot being in a city that takes three hours to cross.

We wandered throught a few different districts; business districts, red light districts (where an angry Korean drunk got waaaay up in my face), terrifying children's playgrounds, rice fields.  Eventually we did make it to Bupyeong station, after a long trek of drinking at marts and wandering around a bit to do some sightseeing.  Bupyeong area turned out to be a pretty good destination for the night, as well.  It was the first place I've been in Korea that had, quite actually, no foreigners in it.  It was quite strange to see. The country is just filthy with westerners, Seoul especially, and not seeing a single other whiteface was a neat experience.   The district itself was alive well into the night, and we got some food and drinks in the area amongst friendly strangers. It's a pretty lively area, standard shopping district full of clothing stores and restaurants, but it's well put together.  We got some dak galbi again at my insistence, and then parted ways as the subway opened up.

The next day, my friend and I went to the International Business District.  From what we had heard, the International Business District was an area in Incheon that was lavishly built up with the intention of opening it to foreign businesses who needed a place to host conventions, or house their employees for long term projects.  Unfortunately, it had, allegedly failed miserably, and is currently in its renovation stages for its grand reopening in 2014.  As such, it's supposed to be entirely abandoned, almost a post apocalyptic city area.

Considering we went during Chuseok, apparently everybody wanted to see it, because the place was packed.  Not to say it wasn't impressive.  There is gorgeous architecture there, a beautiful modern canal, statues and sculpture everywhere, and well maintained gardens in every direction.  The place is pristine and awesome.  It was definitely worth the trip out to the area, and I'd highly recommend anyone in Seoul to venture out that way.

We stopped in a few buildings that were mostly empty. Not a whole lot of people live out there yet, so there aren't a lot of  businesses around.  As such, we did get to experience the abandoned city aspect of it.  Pretty much just walking 15 minutes in any direction will take you to an area that nobody is really going to, and in our case it was completed with a bunch of destroyed statues that were present in the otherwise empty parks.

After this adventure, I decided to head back to Geoje.  I had to travel by way of Busan, so I needed to get back early enough to purchase a ticket (this has become a reoccuring problem in my stay thus far).

I did not make it.

I took the KTX, which everybody compares to the shinkansen in Japan.  They shouldn't.  The KTX is garbage.  It's filthy and cramped, with stale air, and you really don't end up saving that much time on the trip for the extra money you're paying to use it.

The KTX dropped me off at Busan station, which was out of tickets, as it normally is, which is why we generally use Seobu/Sasang station (also because it's nicer).  Seobu was also out of tickets.  So I went to the night bus window. Which was also sold out.  There was a cab driver offering to ferry myself and three other passengers to Geoje for 30,000 a piece, but it's the same price to get a hotel room, so I did neither of those things.  Instead I found myself on the last train to the Pukyong University area to spend some time amongst the Busan nightlife crowd.

I wandered about, barhopping, marthopping, and talking to random strangers.  I won a bottle opener ring from a street game, and talked with some locals and generally had a good night of it, until I was exhausted from all of the not-sleep I got over the holiday so far.  Considering I was sticking to my not-spending-money-on-hotels policy, I had to find somewhere to sleep for cheap.

Because I've done my tutelage under the craftiest of vagrants, I found a 7th floor yoga studio that kept the mats outside its door.  I settled in and set the alarm for 7am on my phone, and took me a quick nap before the buses started up again.

After some good, quick rest, I ate some McDonald's breakfast, and headed home to sleep in an actual bed and get some actual sleep.

All in all, it was a pretty good Chuseok.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Oppan Gangnam Style

So, I guess I've avoided it for long enough.





There's this song called Gangnam Style. Maybe you've heard of it by now.

As of my writing this, the video has almost 665 million views worldwide since its release three-ish months ago, and I probably even got that number wrong. I'm sure it's at least three times that amount.  And from what I understand it's not slowing and may even be continuing to pick up momentum.

I'm sure everybody else can attest to its presence in the USA.  As I've been in Korea since roughly the beginning of its popularity, I'm not capable of doing so.  I remember seeing gifs of it on Tumblr as it started its onset to being the unholy result of Psy selling his soul to the Macarena, but it wasn't playing in bars, or football games, or encouraging drunks to horsey dance madly into oncoming traffic like I'm hearing secondhandedly is happening now.

Here in Korea, I can assure you that it's even worse. I've checked times. You can't go more than 12 hours without hearing the song, and that's provided you get eight hours of sleep in your own house.  It plays at least twice anytime I'm out at a bar, my students want me to play it in class, people have it as their ringtones, companies that Psy has done advertisements for blast the song or their own variant of the song constantly during their opening hours.

I've seen dollar stores that have replaced their entire signage with the cartoon image of Psy. You can purchase Psy's image on socks and tshirts on the street. Norebangs have his image plastered on them. If you talk to a Korean person for the first time, especially if you meet them in a bar, and double especially if they don't actually speak English, they are going to ask you if you know Gangnam Style, and then you will somehow end up doing the Gangnam dance with them and in all probability the music will start playing.  If you talk to anybody about Gangnam style, at some point you will hear the music, as if it is being summoned.  The song has become an abyssal fiend capable of infiltrating any part of existence where it is mentioned.

It is, quite actually, inescapable.

Take a second and let's think about why.

I want you to reflect for a second.  Think about everything you know about Korea.  Historical, customs, stereotypes, racism, all of it.

Alright. Get rid of the word 'kimchi'. Now take out the stuff that is the Korean War.  Take away North Korea. No Samsung or LG. Take out everything that is an overlap with your Chinese/Japanese/your collective Asian stereotypes (you monster).

Do you actually have anything left?  If you do, congratulations, most people I've attempted this exercise on go 'woah, I see your point, I know NOTHING about South Korea.'

I'm not going to lie, I was the same way before I came here.  What did I know about the country?  I knew the 'Gee Gee Baby' song from Girls' Generation.  I knew what Hanboks were from Koreans I spoke to when I was in Japan, and I knew a bit about the food because we had a Korean restaurant on my university campus.

But this is S.Korea's big foray into the world market.  Everybody here loves their country, but they're fully aware that it doesn't really exist in the world's collective consciousness. People go to Japan for vacation, Laos, Vietnam, Indonesia, the Phillippines, Singapore...somehow a lot of people overlook South Korea.  Maybe it's the threat of North Korea? Maybe they just generally don't think about it.  I'll admit in my shame that I never really paid attention to the South of Korea myself before I wound up here.


And that's a shame, because now the country is reduced to forming its media identity around an earworm song that gained international fame, that the original artist doesn't even like that much.