First off:
Woke up at 2 today. Which for a Saturday isn't unheard of. Despite the fact that I set three alarms. My DS wasn't plugged in so the batteries ran out, that's fine. My computer however...
I really have NO idea what the hell is going on with this. It keeps being muted. I don't know if it mutes itself if the alarm runs for a few minutes without being shut off or what, but this is something like the 6th time this has happened. Starting to think that it's unreliable to the extent that I should get a new physical alarm. That'd have the added benefit of, you know, TURNING OFF MY COMPUTER when I go to bed.
Anyways, it wouldn't have been bad if I wasn't planning to get to the ATM today. Also I wasn't sure if we were going to Oita today (we didn't ) so I wanted to be up earlier for that. And the ATM closes at 2, so I figured "Hell, it's like 1:57. If I run I might be able to make it before it closes." So I head out and lo and behold, I rushed for no reason, as miraculously, since last weekend, the ATM has new hours and it is now open til 5 on saturdays, and also now its open on sundays and holidays!
Good news I guess. So into the store for some snacks and stuff. Cafeteria is closed from 1:30 to 5:30 on weekends, so I figure it's not weird that it's dark in there right now.
But I came back at 5:40 and...still dark. So I clawed at the gate a bit to no avail. Oh, they'd rue the day they locked me out of my...food. So to make them begin..rueing...ruing? It's ruing. To make them begin ruing I went to the highway bus station to get some potato croquette. Was only going to get two because I thought they were 300 yen a piece. But aha, I bought THREE because they're only 150 yen a piece! Zoidberg is the crafty consumer! And some kid who lives in my building served me. So he spoke some English when I had no idea what the HELL he was asking me. I really need to learn the Japanese word for "take out". Anyways, checked the bus schedule to see pricings, and headed back to my room to drown my sorrows in potato croquettes.
That's about it.
Oh wait, no. On the way up to the potato croquette place I took this photo:
Preeettyyyy. That's Beppu City at night from the top of the mountain. Well, the part of the mountain where the school is at least. I think I put a pic in here before (I know there's one in the photobucket album) but this one's better, so go with it.
Also I made this while watching the Futurama movie again:
If you can't read it for some reason, it says "The Doctor is:" and then I put a card in there that says "IN" or "OUT" depending on you know....whether I'm in or out.
Okay, enough with that: Zombie TIME!
Alright, so in any zombie situation, the main character (in this case, you) is always waking up or coming home from somewhere. So we'll assume that you are as well. As such, the first thing that you do is look around your room (or wherever else you are) for a weapon. This is assuming that you are alone in the room with no zombies. IF you wake up to a zombie, the first thing you do is not make a sound and see if he notices you're there. If he's facing away, then you look for a weapon, then jump up, shove them in the opposite direction (preferably knocking them to the ground) grab the weapon, and then go at it. As for the weapon: Preferably something long, durable, not too have, and blunt that you can swing from a safe distance. Baseball bats work well. If you have a solid metal one and feel like lugging that around, feel free. Not hollow ones though, just trust me on this. If you have something like a hammer or a frying pan around and nothing else, that is fine too. If you have a sword that is good, but a knife will be too much work and you'll get way too close to the zombie. Plus I don't see many of you hacking off a human head in one swing with a knife.
Alright. Now that you're armed: body armor. What? I never heard of this step? That's because most likely you've only seen zombie encounters in movies, where the directors are too interested in sex appeal, and the actors are too interested in visible screen time. Essentially, it really doesn't need to be much. If you have some durable jeans, put on two layers of those. Put on gloves and a thick jacket if you have it. Ideally a helmet and a muffler, weather permitting. Anything that'll give you an extra second or two reaction time. The harder to chew through the better. So if you have shin guards or kevlar or something, make sure you put those on. I don't know why you wouldn't unless you suddenly go crazy and think that you are Rambo all of a sudden, and can take on all the zombies, by yourself, topless, and with a butter knife. You can't, by the way.
protip: Lots of rope. Rope is very useful. For tying doors shut, if you don't have any good "body armor" wrap it tightly around your limbs and nothing will get through that easily.
Remember though, according to movies and such zombies have enhanced strength, so don't linger too long when reacting or you might lose a limb or something. That would be bad.
Alright, now you're prepared. What's the next step from here? Check your surroundings. Be as quiet as you can, but look out a window, crack the door, any of that. See if you can hear any moanings and groanings. Probably zombies or soon to be zombies. Avoid those areas if you can.
Now you have two options: You can find a safe room. The advantage of this is that you have lots of storage room, probably only one defensible entrance, and if you're good at this, a window for escape.
The bad news with this option is that if you make too much noise, you'll be noticed. And then all it takes is enough zombies pushing on the door before you learn that birds have wings for a reason, and try to tempt rapid evolution jumping out that window. Then what? Ground is probably swarmed with zombies by then.
This can be prevented if you're defending the hallway as well. Set up barricadesalong the whole way. Using my school as an example: Take all the filing cabinets and desks and chairs except maybe two or three for comfort, and just push them into the hallway. Prop open doors to lodge things as well. If all goes well this will completely block in the hallway and make it almost impossible for any amount of zombies to come through. YOu might get a stray one that crawls over all the junk, but other than that you should be fine.
The other option is to get to a roof. Preferably one that has no access from inside a building. The easier to get to from the outside the better, as navigating zombie masses in a building can be tricky. Now, you don't want it too close to the ground. The minimum is double your height (provided you aren't short) , and even then, try to find a higher roof.
Example: Right off the bridge at my school, there is a building. There is something to climb up on top of that makes it EASY to get on the roof. It'd still be difficult for zombies to get to, and on top of that, there is a good sized ladder to get to a SECOND roof! That's amazing! Great place!
No, it's not. This is where the other factor comes in that makes this option bad: The weather.
Provided you live in a good climate with no thunderstorms, this shouldn't really prove too large a problem. You can surive rain and snow, especially if you're wearing extra clothes for the protection, and you can always go back for more if you're careful. But in the sene that you're stuck up there waiting for help, this place is bad because : metal poles everywhere. On top of that, even if there aren't metal poles, you're still a lightning rod walking around top of a building soaked in rain water and carrying your metal baseball bat.
What the hell is wrong with you?
Anyways, preparation, check. Escape plan, check. Now the other problems.
Fending off the zombies shouldn't be hard. Just pay attention to your surroundings. If there are a bunch around, only take out the ones in your way. They don't move quickly, so you should be able to evade them all for the most part. If you find yourself surrounded: Don't give up hope. They're strong and they never tire, but they aren't efficient fighters and you may make your way out. If you happen to get bit once amputate as soon as possible. If you get bit a whole bunch and you KNOW you're going to turn, then, well, for the good of humanity, take down as many as you can, and then swan dive off the top of a building, unless you like the idea of eating your fellow man. In which case you probably aren't too keen on surviving to this point anyways.
Sex. Don't have it. I'm serious. No matter how unlikely, if you start having sex, a zombie will show up. DON'T ASK ME HOW. Zombies are great at that kind of thing. They just KNOW when to catch you unawares. So if you absolutely need to, make sure you have at least three armed friends standing a perimeter around you for when they show up.
This is post apocalyptic earth. YOur privacy is no matter here. Also, your friends are bored.
If you need to get supplies, go in pairs. If you absolutely need the extra man power, three. Never go alone, and don't go with too many people because you'll attract attention. One person gone worries the group and then they always send another one person out to find them. So if neither of you come back when you go in a pair, that's a sign saying "give up hope". If one of you comes back, at least you can tell what happened to the other one.
Speaking of which: trust nobody. Except me, I won't screw you over. But anybody else. Nobody will tell you if they were bit. So always have two guards. They'll keep an eye on the surroundings and keep an eye on each other. If the one turns then they can deal with it. If they both turn, you probably shouldn't have been travelling with a pack of zombies.
Don't resort to eating your fellow survivors. Zombies THRIVE on irony, and it will just make them stronger. They'll probably hop up and eat you right afterwards.
Bring a book or a board game or something. You are going to get SO BORED. Not Monopoly though. You'll end up just killing each other.
If you have multiple cell phones, only use one at a time. Preferably only keep it on while you're using it. You want to conserve the energy for as long as possible to keep calling for help. Signal fires will do nothing; there will be fires EVERYWHERE cause zombies love breaking shit. Flares would work though.
Don't be a hero. If you see somebody go down under a swarm of zombies, the odds of them surviving it are 5000 to 1 against. If there are only a handful of zombies, sure, run and help them. But just know your limits and try not to have your mind shatter when you realize you can't do anything to help them.
If you have to leave, kill as many zombies as you can before you do. Don't be like the idiot in dawn of the dead who could have picked off a whole bunch of them with more propane bombs and decided to just gun it in the buses. Idiots. If you have access to stuff, use it. Thin the flock before you go out. It'll make things a lot easier.
Try not to make noise; it attracts the dead.
If the zombies happen to be the superstrong alien symbiote crazy evil monster zombies from some of the movies, unless you're really close to a safe place, your best bet is probably to just off yourself.
But do it heroically. (put on a Superman outfit)
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